Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

My religion teacher said that there are no atheists because in order to reject God, you must first have a concept of God, and if you have a concept of God, you are not an atheist. In what way is this true, if at all? Why?

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

How was your JEE Advanced 2024 result?

Be who you already are.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

I had run out of hope.

These glowing axolotls may hold the secret to human limb regeneration - The Washington Post

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

Harris Yulin, 'Scarface' and 'Ghostbusters II' actor, dies at 87: 'One of the greatest' - USA Today

It’s still here.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

Can I see some anal hole?

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

I was tired of trying and failing.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

You hold the door open for a lady and she stops in her tracks and screams at you, ‘Don’t hold the door for me! I’ll get it myself!’ What are your feelings or immediate reaction?

The sadness was still there.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Why did you choose not to join Mensa?

You are like me, then.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

I was tired of fighting.

Why didn’t Obito confront Kakashi after he witnessed him kill Rin?

And the sadness?

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

Why cant a narcissist admit when they are wrong?

It’s here now, writing to you.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”